What Celebrities Are Doing

It was foretold that as soon as Abbey Clancy had given naughty footballing beanstalk Peter Crouch his firstborn child, she was to travel to her local gym, in order that she might be able to engage her slightly fleshy limbs in a series of exceptionally tedious running and lifting excersises, to remove the so-called ‘baby weight’. Thus it was foreseen that only one month after her holy ladybits had been stretched to an eyewatering size by a squashy human skull passing through them, she would be modelling for Esquire, possibly in a nine page pictorial where they didst finally let her wear a weird black shirt that buttoned between her legs. And it was very sexually provocative. Forsooth.

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