What Celebrities Are Doing

Since Prince Philip was so brutally silenced by the royal household (we imagine they cut his tongue out and placed it next to the crown jewels) there hasn’t been much in the way of aristocratic snobbery in the media. Which is a shame, because after all, you don’t know you’re British until someone in an arbitrarily chosen higher social class turns up in a Barbour jacket, jams dog shit into your mouth, covers you in swan and gin flavoured vomit, laughs at your ugly girlfriend and then drives off in a gold plated Land Rover, his buck teeth flapping in the wind.

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