What Celebrities Are Doing

Ooh, look, it’s everyone’s least favourite aristocrat, Lady Victoria Hervey, wearing a dress that looks like a cross between Strictly Come Dancing and an explosion in a Claire’s Accessories.  Also out and about, wandering the streets of London, we have Caroline Flack actually wearing trousers, Tulisa, Gordon Ramsey, Nancy Dell’Olio reminding us all she exists, Tara Reid, Carol Vorderman, Jude Law looking a bit hairy, Nicola Roberts, One Direction, Pippa Middleton, and Mary Portas hanging out with the royals. Blimey.

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With last night marking the end of last week, it would have been crazy for all the famous people not to have gone out. We’ve already given you a idea of what people who could afford to spend £1500 on a seat for the Olympic Closing ceremony were doing (sitting in that very seat, surprisingly), so here’s the rest. Those who thought Nick Grimshaw’s birthday was more important than the Olympics, and those who simply hated the idea they weren’t the centre of attention. Strangely, there was not an Olympian to be seen, aside from Usain Bolt. How curious.

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London Last Night was the usual protoplasmic mess of the semi-famous and the originally famous. It’s as if they’ve started to buddy up just in case one gets into a spot of bother, a bit like scuba diving, except for mental problems rather than bitey fish.

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As a reward for managing to sit through the winners of all 126 categories at this year’s NME Awards, everyone of any real importance was invited back to an after party at the W Hotel in Leicester Square. Here’s what happened:

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It’s difficult to know exactly what it is that makes Harry Styles so irresistible. Is it his dreamy face? His dreamy hair? The fact that he’ll be able to get insured to drive a dreamy van in three dreamy years time? Who knows. Whatever it is though, it’s certainly bringing older women to him like horny moths to a newly-lit flame. First there was the Caroline Flack situation and now Georgia Jagger’s thrown her perfumed hat into the ring.

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Harry Styles and Caroline Flack have split up, not that surprisingly. We say that because they spent their entire relationship being heckled by One Direction fans as well as people who probably wouldn’t have heard of either party had they not read a Daily Mail article. Yes, the age gap was weird, mostly because Styles is below the legal drinking age and going to the pub is great. However, we do wonder if Hugh Hefner gets publicly called a ‘sicko’ for seeing teenagers. Actually, he wouldn’t be able to rub his leathery skin against Styles in California because the age of consent is 18 years there, so really it all comes down to a matter of months. Oh if only Styles had been born in 1993 instead of 1994, not only would he have saved Flack from being tarred and feathered, but he would’ve also been around to see Take That perform Pray on Top of the Pops. Yikes, he really is young.

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She’s snatching cradles, he’s cradling snatches, why can’t everyone just let Caroline Flack and Harry Styles be? As the Xtra Factor presenter has just pointed out, he’s actually incredibly mature, something we’ve tried to back-up with our above picture gallery.

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