What Celebrities Are Doing

Out of control pop robot CHER.Y.L has just today announced to the world that she’s got a new single coming out, which, if reports are to be believed is to give her a bit a cash to keep her tickin ova like, cos its the end of the month an aal that. 

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There’s nothing more upsetting than when celebrities fight. It’s like when daddy used to come home drunk, throwing himself around the house, and then mummy would come home drunker and they’d beat the shit out of each other. AT CHESS. SURPRISE!

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Louis Walsh has just about had it up to here with the new incarnation of Cheryl Cole, codenamed CHER.Y.L . Who does she think she is, saying he’s a lousy manager and that he drinks too much and that he once put horse’s bollock in his mouth for a bet? It’s just slanderous nonsense.

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It seems like only yesterday that Cheryl Cole’s statements to Marie Claire about Louis Walsh being a lazy, thieving Irish layabout hit the news. After years of pain, torment and being forced to beat Nicola with a striplight after gigs just to keep from losing her mind, Cheryl finally revealed exactly what was going on behind the scenes. And it was bad.

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It’s okay that Cheryl Cole got sacked from X Factor USA because music is her first love – it’s how she expresses herself, whether with lyrics about how Ashley Cole let her down emotionally or her enjoyment of parachuting. Here she is filming a new pop video in LA which will accompany single Call My Name. It’s probably going to be nothing like Destiny’s Child’s Say My Name because they were telling people to ‘SAY’ their name, whereas Cheryl’s wants us to ‘CALL’ hers. Plus Beyonce doesn’t have a tattoo of some thorns circling her thigh, weirdly. 

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Cheryl Cole has been speaking to Stylist magazine about some of her previous fashion disasters, which naturally means we had to dig them out. It’s just investigative research, innit. 

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It’s difficult to understand exactly what it is about Cheryl Cole that makes her so sought after. Yes, she’s pretty, but so are lots of other women on TV, and it’s not like she’s some kind of witty raconteur or hugely entertaining comedienne, is it? Nope, we reckon the attraction of Cheryl Cole is the fact that she’s really not that great. Aside from her good looks she’s just a normal woman, which is apparently the kind of thing we just can’t get enough of on TV. A nation being spoonfed bland, pointless pap.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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