What Celebrities Are Doing

Katy Perry’s not having a great time of it at the moment, is she? FIrst she breaks up with Professional Boyfriend John Mayer, and now her parents are mouthing off about how ‘evil’ she is because of that song where she talks about kissing a girl, and liking it. And also maybe because she wanders around in her pants quite a bit. And also because she’s not encouraging her fans to woship Jebus and the angels and that.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Saving up for a tattoo removal laser is probably the best decision we ever made. In about ten years time, when all of London’s hipsters are about 35 odd, there’s a real possibility they’re not going to want their sagging bodies covered in trendy pictures of skulls and keyboards anymore, perhaps even going so far as to pay to have them removed, and that’s when we’ll be there to reap the benefits.

Sadly there’s no such device for removing unwanted memories, other than perhaps the ever unpredictable half-brick, and as such we’re all be stuck with knowledge of those awful Kardashian’s doings nestled right next to our treasured childhood memories for the rest of our natural lives. Oh, how we wish there was, though. Just imagine – you could read the following story, mumble ‘silly cunt’ under your breath and then immediately erase this useless shit to make way for more interesting stuff; like how to worm a guinea pig, or whether snails fart.

On last night’s E! News special “Ryan Seacrest with the Kardashians” Rob revealed the shame he feels about his body after gaining weight. “Every time I hop in the shower and see myself naked I cry,” the 26-year-old reality star told Seacrest. “My penis looks so small now.” The pressure of being part of a beautiful family that is under the media spotlight has definitely gotten to him but he still managed to joke about the situation. “The upside is, every time you lose 10 pounds you gain an inch on your penis,” he added.

Aside from his battle with weight the young Kardashian has seriously struggled with finding the same level of fame as his sisters. “There’s a lot of haters in the world,” he confessed. Launching the sock line Arthur George has given Rob individuality from the reality show pigeon hole he often finds himself in. “I really like socks,” he explained. “Now that’s turning into boxers and pajamas. I’m excited to have a niche.”

Sigh.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Shia LaBeouf was set to star with Alec Baldwin in the Broadway production of Orphans right up until yesterday afternoon, when he quit after ‘creative differences’. 

It’s not normally something any of you should really care about, because who gives a fuck, but this time for some inexplicable reason Shia decided to publish all the emails he sent and received after announcing his departure. It turns out Shia thinks he’s Holden Caulfield, and everyone around him is drowning in a pool of their own tears:

Shia to the director: 

“My dad was a drug dealer. He was a sh-t human. But he was a man. He taught me how to be a man. What I know of men, Alec is. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers,” Shia wrote.

“A man owns up. That’s why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not. Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt,” he added.

“He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn’t winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. A man knows his tools and how to use them – just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud. A man does not know everything. He doesn’t try. He likes what other men know. A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it’s just to put an end to the bickering. Alec, I’m sorry for my part of a dis-agreeable situation. – Shia.”

Alec Baldwin to Shia

“I’ve been through this before. It’s been a while. And perhaps some of the particulars are different. But it comes down to the fact that what we all do now is critical. Perhaps especially fro you. When the change comes, how do we handle it, whether it be good or bad? What do we learn? I don’t have an unkind word to say about you. You have my word. – AB”

Tom Sturridge (what play is this?) to Shia

“Are you still here? I don’t really know what to write. I went in this afternoon and they were all there… producers, etc. I said my piece but they didn’t really listen. I don’t understand what has happened here. Maybe you have had a more enlightening conversation with someone by now. All I can say is that it truly was an honour to work with you even if it was only for a few days. I was stunned by the work you were doing, the performance you were giving. I think you lifted the play to a place high than maybe it even deserved to be. I hope this isn’t the last time we work together and I especially hope it isn’t the last time we see each other. Hope you’re ok brother”

Director Dan Sullivan to Shia

“I’m too old for disagreeable situations. You’re on hell of a great actor. Alec is who he is. You are who you are. You two are incompatible. I should have known it. This one will haunt me. You tried to warn me. You said you were a different breed. I didn’t get it. – Dan”

I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU. OH BOO HOO, I JUST CAN’T STOP ALL THESE EMOTIONS. OH MY GOD LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS AND THEN CRY UNTIL WE PASS OUT.

Theatre, eh?

Oh, and for those of you sensible enough not to read the whole thing, Alec Baldwin did it.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Now retired, Roddick says he "loved every minute" of competing as a pro athlete

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While most of the world still (rightly) think Chris Brown is a thuggish cockhanger whose only redeeming feature is that he hasn’t beaten more of his girlfriends up, Rihanna, the woman whose face he so lovingly redecorated, has completely forgiven him. Which is good of her.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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As you may recall, Anne Hathaway wore a wig instead of cutting her hair off in One Day - probably a wise move since no one saw the film anyway, but now she’s properly gone and had the chop for her role in the upcoming Les Miserables. 

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Following Monday’s Film Circle Awards, yesterday it was the National Board of Review Awards. Tomorrow it will be the Cinema Floor Sweepers Awards, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves – take a moment to look at this lot, especially since they’ve gone to such a lot of effort…

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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