What Celebrities Are Doing

The waxworks of One Direction have moved another stage closer to you being able to frot them. The sculptors have been poking  their tools in the boys’ beautiful faces. And haven’t they done well? Harry‘s hair could do with some product. And we’re a bit concerned with Louis’s moustache. But they look a lot more like 1D than the dolls did. Those dolls were awful dolls.

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If you are over the age of 12, likelihood is you’re not aware that One Direction are doing the Comic Relief single. But they are. It’s a cover of Blondie’s One Way Or Another. Stop screaming and crying and beating your cranium with your bunched fists, you, because even if you do that for six weeks you will never be able to reverse the fact that One Direction covered a Blondie classic and a whole generation of people will never know the excellence of the original.

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One Direction are now so famous they think nothing of flipping off giant inanimate objects. Only last week Zayn Malik was overheard telling the Shanghai World Financial Center that it looked like an angry bottle opener, while Niall has frequently accused the Abu Dhabi Sky Tower of resembling the kind of tube that discretely conceals a feminine hygiene product. But Liam Payne bit off more than he could chew when he dissed the security staff at Manhattan’s Empire State Building, and has now had to issue several whimpering apologies.

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According to the rumour mill, Leona Lewis might be dating One Direction’s Liam Payne, although we’d like to chuck into the mix that it could actually be Bob Mortimer. Who would be the most suitable match for her? We couldn’t possibly say…

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In the above recording you can supposedly hear One Direction’s Zayn Malik inviting girls up to his hotel room, so that he and Harry can have a good time. Whether the ‘arreh’ and Crystabel mentioned are Harry Styles and One Direction stylist Crystabel Riley is up for debate,  there’s no question that the northerner making the call is Zayn because, erm, there’s a picture of him on the front of the video.

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Here are some pictures of Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne swimming with dolphins at Seaworld in Florida – awwwwwwww. To avoid a global tsumani of knicker wetting, we imagine Harry was barred from the activity…

See how happy the pair look (Louis and Liam we mean) – they probably didn’t read this article first :-/

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The one from One Direction who has (by default of being not very good looking) been decided as the rubbish one, has admitted that when he gets a few days off he likes to let his hair down by, er, sitting on the couch.

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