What Celebrities Are Doing

“Justinjustinjustinweloveyoujustinmarrymejustin”  – a sentiment that has been shared by many over the past few days, ever since the sinister shadow of fatherhood raised its ugly fertile head out of Justin Bieber’s trousers. A shadow that arose after claims he had moved his penis both in and out of a woman’s vagina repeatedly, resulting in both ejaculation and eventually, new life. Questions had been raised about the veracity of these claims, but no answers had been given. UNTIL NOW.

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The music industry seems to be in real bad shape at the moment. Everything is super duper fucked up, and with so many musicians and big fat cat label bosses complaining about how unfair it is that nobody liked minidisc very much*, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s looking at the industry as a whole. Except Noel. Noel’s looking at it as a whole. Noel’s goal is to control the soul of the industry as a whole.

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So, how much for one of these then? Hopefully slightly less than the marked price, since it not only does it seem unable to turn corners, but it also looks like sitting on it for longer than about 10 minutes would give you Rickets. Still, the lights on the side look nice, don’t they? That’s got to be worth at least £20k alone.

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Washington, Sep 8 (IANS) The two Republican frontrunners, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, launched their fight for the party presidential nomination clashing over job creation to health care to social security and more.

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If Peter Jackson has taught us anything, it’s that if you want to make a film about curly-haired Jewish midgets and their love of gold, then make sure you a) set it in a fantasy world, b) name it after a sex club most of your readers won’t have been to, and most importantly, c) are fat and jolly so you can say you’re masking an inner struggle with horrible, dark demons if anyone actually tries to pin anything on you. 

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It’s ironic that HawthoRNe’s third season opens with a scene of bliss because almost everything that follows is heartache.Summer TV: Get the scoop on your favorite returning showsThe new season (premiering Tuesday, 10/9c, TNT) begins with a pregnant Christina Hawthorne (Jada Pinkett Smith) preparing to marry boyfriend and baby-daddy Tom Wakefield (Michael Vartan). But the rest of the season …

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It seems Cheryl Cole is finding it a lot harder to adapt to life in the US than she thought, citing the size of things and people’s noses as two of the largest problems she’s currently having with her emigration to LA from sunny Newcastle.

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