What Celebrities Are Doing

Look how much Jessica Simpson has grown since she thought tuna was made of chicken and buffalos had wings. Literally grown we mean. Here she is doing the old naked with a bump thing on the front of Elle magazine. It’s pretty sexy, no? Especially bearing in mind her expectant figure means she’s had sex AT LEAST ONCE BEFORE, guys.

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Following on from Nicole Farhi recently calling it ‘abominable’ that celebs get paid thousands to sit on the front row at fashion week, here are some celebs sitting on the front row at fashion week. Abominable? Katy Perry’s outfit certainly is.

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Having not actually seen Ralph Fiennes modern adaptation of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus we couldn’t possibly comment on whether it’s any good or not. Looking at the trailer we’d agree with one YouTube commenter who said it looked like we finally get to see Voldemort fight Leonidas. Either way, the book of the film certainly seems to have been quite popular.

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Poor celebs, missing out on the glorious January sales and suffering from jet lag just so they can have a little bit of Caribbean sunshine. If you squint your eyes and look out of the window, you can probably pretend you’re there – in their hotel suite’s wet room at least…

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On the one hand, it’s probably important to talk about the stuff UNICEF does (yeah, we had to go to Wikipedia for most of it too), since this is their charity gala (tickets were $2,500 each) yet on the other it would be simply rude of us not to mention that good old SJPs feet look like a street map of central London. See, there’s Hyde Park and Regent’s Park just above it? In fact, you can even see Camden Road disappearing up her trouser leg.

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So, Jessica Jane-Clement has been voted off I’m A Celeb. It’s not entirely surprising, given that no-one really knew who she was before she went in, and then, when she turned out to be relatively normal and unwilling to do all kinds of sexy stuff with Mark Wright due to a previous engagement, she kind of sealed her own death warrant. Still, it now leaves Mark and Emily to continue their awkward camera romance. Isn’t it nice when people get together for publicity? Really warms your heart.

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Guys, we know you were all waiting for topless pictures of Fatima Whitbread, but you’re just going to have to make do with Jessica-Jane Clement. For the moment. We’ve been doing a bit of research and have discovered that she enjoys getting her boobs out quite a bit. What’s more, she seems to have pulled a Real Hustle-style con by making them miraculously grow in recent years. Baffling. Don’t worry, we’ll investigate this mystery further when she takes her obligatory waterfall bikini shower next week.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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