What Celebrities Are Doing

‘Glassy eyes’ with ‘constricted pupils’ – hmmm, these are the symptoms Lindsay Lohan was reported to have been showing at the Chateau Marmont over the weekend. We’ve just done our best Dr Spaceman with the aid of a Google bar and have limited the diagnosis to five things; Horner’s syndrome, a stroke, a brain tumor, Adie’s pupil or drugs. Lohan, we need a more detailed report if we’re to give you a more accurate diagnosis. If it’s only one eye, it could be Adie’s pupil, although if there’s any drooping it’s more likely to be Horner’s syndrome. Yellow teeth and dirty nails? DRUGS.

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LOHAN behold, she forgot her bra and parking fee, but remembered to pay for her shopping (we assume – she has a bag). Well done, Lohan. Baby steps.

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Obviously the only bin Lindsay Lohan has been near is the one her career now rests in, but a man who is clearly bat shit crazy has controversially claimed that she was involved in the al-Qaida leader’s death. Not just the embalming bit either, although she’s probably pretty skilled in that area now.

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Here’s the obligatory story about Lindsay Lohan having to sneak in through the back door of a Golden Globes party [insert your own ' taking it through the rear' gag]. We knew it was coming so saved space especially for it.

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It’s awards season again, which for you means looking at countless pictures of famous Americans, Carey Mulligan and Robert Pattinson, and for us means getting a highly talented intern who writes like a moden day Nabokov in just to make tea (their tears make it taste less bitter). Exciting, eh?

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Despite everyone knowing that Lindsay Lohan is completely unemployable due to the fact she’s a massive liability who would never get insurance (director John Waters recently confirmed this during a London Q&A session), she was waving around a script at JFK yesterday. Or more specifically, was waving around the front page of a script. We can only assume it’s one page home-video synopisis, printed both sides in Ariel 28 by a dyslexic writer who meant to type ‘L: nude tit’ but got the letters jumbled around.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Because the judge in the Los Angeles Superior Courthouse was replaced with a baby clutching a hammer-shaped rattle, Lindsay Lohan managed to avoid jail time for the 1,867th time this year and instead played coochy coo alongside her lawyer….

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