What Celebrities Are Doing

Lady Gaga’s not simply a Madonna-obsessed, deluded narcissist, she’s so much more. She’s a musician and an artist. A performance artist. Being utterly repugnant in every interview she’s ever done is just a part of her act, and there are other parts too.

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The following piece of news has left us mildly shocked. It the kind of news that in itself is quite shocking, but is not actually important or interesting enough to actually matter in any real way. The everyday equivalent would probably be something like finding a whole packet of Opal Fruits* all the same colour.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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It’s that time of year again, the wonderful period in the middle of summer when Elton John dusts off his tiara, fires up his ball generating machine, invites everyone who’s ever been on television or had unnecessary surgery on their face and then asks them all for money. 

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It may seem like Kate and William getting married and Madonna announcing the release of a track she’s recorded with her daughter is a coincidence, but it’s not. It’s also nothing to do with the fact they are both kind of royalty. It’s actually because Jupiter’s moon is at its fullest in Mercury’s shadow, the tide is high, we’re going to live forever, and nepotism is forcing itself right up the summer solstice. That’s right, we’re calling out Madonna and the royal family for nepotism. What you going to do about it eh, Charlie? Call your mum? Well, don’t. Because that’s actually quite serious, and we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Plus, we’ll tell everyone about Harry.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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It looks like Phil Collins has finally had enough of the music industry and has decided to pack it all in, with immediate effect. While we undwerstand a lot of people don’t like Phil Collins, here at HM we’ve never really understood why, after all, he’s written some amazing songs (as well as some admittedly terrible ones), took baldness better than most men and also divorced his second wife by fax, something which made it into the Guinness book of records as the both the least and most rockstar-ish thing to ever happen.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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Good news everybody! Paris Hilton has turned 30 at last. We can finally expect a more mature, less attention seeking socialite now her ovaries have fully settled down. All those wild nights, edible dogs and exciting promotional campaigns for vodka flavoured prosecco are over.

She’s now just a normal woman trying to live her life, taking every day as it comes, gradually progressing up her chosen career ladder (being a media whore) while all the time juggling her children (well, small dogs). She juggles children.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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You might not think we know much about manly stuff here at HM, like fighting, chopping wood, crying during Gladiator and football (despite a pseudonym that says the opposite). Well, you’d be wrong. We all love football. We love it so much we’ve just been bursting to tell you all the facts about the game. All of them. For instance, did you know Trevor Francis was the first million pound British player, bought by Nottingham Forest from Birmingham? See, finally something you can use as sparkling after-dinner conversation.

For the full story and all the pics go to Holy moly!

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