What Celebrities Are Doing

Dreamboat Ryan Gosling has been on the promotional trail recently, trying to drum up support for his new film, Gangster Squad. He’s seemingly right to do so, as the film’s been taking a bit of a hammering from the critics, who’ve described it alternatively as a ‘seriously bad Dick Tracy knock off’ and ‘a film that probably would have benefited from having animated animals in the lead roles’.

Luckily for Ryan, he’s at the point in his career where it’s going to take a video of him vivisecting a the Royal baby to get people to even consider not being deeply in love with him. Or he could make a Herbie film and then turn bisexual. Seemingly the same thing these days.

However, he is still hugely popular, so let’s not even think about whether Herbie may or may not happen. Instead, here’s a snippet of him talking about how stupid those big old muscles of his are:

“Anyone can get those if they work at it. It’s just a lot of exercising. And it’s really quite pointless, because you go to a gym and you lift a heavy thing so a muscle grows, but the only thing the muscle can actually do is to lift that heavy thing”,

“After a while they’re like pets because they don’t do anything useful. But you have to feed them and take care of them otherwise they’ll go away. I feel a bit goofy having them, to tell you the truth”

Did you read the whole thing in his voice as well? Oh Ryan.

[Via News.com.au]

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It was Woman’s Day at Aintree on Friday, a day that’s usually full of expensive neon dresses, bare arses and vomit. However, this year it was a bit different.

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Being such huge supporters of Kerry Katona and her post-Atomic Kitten career here at HM, we’re absolutely over the moon about her job as an OK! columnist. Honestly. We’re being completely serious. We genuinely think she’s found her niche. Almost everything she writes is pure gold, and in fact, it’s actually not that different to what we write, give or take a ‘go fuck yourself you useless fat whore’ or two.

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As far as films about prostitutes triumphing against adversity go, we’d say Pretty Woman was up there with the best. Plus it has one of the best makeover scenes of ALL TIME, but Richard Gere still thinks it’s just a “silly rom-com”, which is a bit rich since he was also in Dr T and the Woman.

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Ask yourself the question: “How would I spread the word out about a game that involves saving the galaxy from evil robot bastards?” If your immediate response was ‘launch a copy of the game into space’, then guess what, SOMEONE’S ALREADY DONE IT. YOU’RE A MARKETING GENIUS. On the other hand, if it was ‘write it on the wall of the bogs in my local’ then guess what SOMEONE’S ALREADY DONE THAT TOO. But you’re not a genius. You’re a vandal.

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Just like cats and small children, celebrities crave attention and love, most are one cocaine-fueled-sex-romp expose away from being left in the wilderness with people throwing stones and big sticks at them in the street. Celebs love to be loved and when they’re hated, they pretend to revel in that too, but they’re most likely crying themselves to sleep about how no-one thinks they’re cool. 

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Essentially, if you took Princess Diana, fed her a few hundred prawn rings, got her addicted to drugs, gave her a boobjob, knocked her about a bit with bat, ran over her face with a wheelbarrow, blunted her accent, made her spend a few years working down the dog track, tattoed her heavily and then comprehensively removed any trace of class you’d have an identical twin for Kerry Katona to play with. They’re just like two peas in a pod. If one end of the pod was slightly rotten.

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