What Celebrities Are Doing

As anyone who knows an actor or actress will testify, if there’s one thing the human race needs more of, it’s dramatic acting. Not comedic acting, no, with the western world currently turning to shit as it seems to be, we already spend too much time laughing and trying to enjoy ourselves. What we need now more than ever is serious actors being serious about serious subjects.

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Apparently even Simon Cowell is affected by disappointment. Up until this point it seemed like the worst thing that had ever happened to him was the time he wasn’t allowed to claim full ownership of the moon and the sun and the stars, but it seems like he’s been equally upset by the failure of several of his TV shows.

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Justin Bieber is young, rich and powerful. His fans love him more than they love themselves and people who’ve been in the music industry for longer than he’s been alive all seem to want to ask his advice. So, the question is, why hasn’t he gone crackers yet? When is he going to tell people they are just worthless bags of meat? When, Justin? Tell us. We await your decision.

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Because we all went back in a time machine last night and woke up in 2002, Simon Cowell has been talking about the whole Gareth Gates/Will Young saga, saying the the Pop Idol winner shouldn’t have won. And don’t even get him started on Jessica Garlick or Rik Waller…

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In the last few months the general public’s opinion of Pete Doherty’s seems to be that he’s less of a grubby, delusional, drug-addled fruitcake and more of an eccentric, slightly chubby, albeit still pretty dirty, drug-addled fruitcake. Not that the things he’s doing now are any different, it’s just that with Amy Winehouse’s death everyone’s feeling a bit, well, guilty.

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According to the team, DeMarcus Cousins has asked the Kings to trade him . There are also reports that Cousins’ agent is saying that DMC didn’t demand a trade. This also may have just been a heated argument. Either way, this an ugly situation.

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Despite everyone knowing that Lindsay Lohan is completely unemployable due to the fact she’s a massive liability who would never get insurance (director John Waters recently confirmed this during a London Q&A session), she was waving around a script at JFK yesterday. Or more specifically, was waving around the front page of a script. We can only assume it’s one page home-video synopisis, printed both sides in Ariel 28 by a dyslexic writer who meant to type ‘L: nude tit’ but got the letters jumbled around.

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